Why I be back here
It's a little weird that I noticed twice that I'm like a character in the jodi picoult book. Turns out she was molested as a child in the book, so I'm like oh that makes more sense. But the intensity and how much I relate to it i think just indicates... the bad boundaries, deep levels of self-hate sort of thing. Why am I so unkind to myself. Do I not feel no spark with alex cuz of all the pressure and fear around it or is it just cuz it's him? Is it both? is it who I am now? I want to knowww... Parts of me want to be free but a part of me is so sad at the idea. I feel so ... bad about it. :<. It doesn't feel totally right either. It just feels... like nothing would really change. Well i'd feel less pressure but my happiness levels wouldn't change. I'd feel free for a bit but i think it's only a matter of time before I run into the same problem. Or i can try to find someone who i'm irrationally attracted to???? When that would ever happe...