New Yorker trying to live a healthy balanced life in this modern and fast paced world. This my documentation and reflections of my journey to be grounded as life pulls me in every direction.
PMDD
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So turns out i have PMDD, i don't really know what to think about it besides all my irritability making more sense. Eh.
I hadn't known what the term meant, it basically means the non-tangible 'spirit' of a thing inside a physical embodiment/hardware of a thing, but the two are distinctly separate and the 'spirit' thing can react unpredictably or beyond the bounds of the hardware. I always thought this was true, back from that one theory of knowledge class I took in highschool. I thought the mind-body debate was always compelling: What bodily limits could you exceed with the power of the mind? I've always believed the mind is stronger, but as I've gotten older I also understand the body impacts the mind as well. I think it's definitely something newly aging folk learn (aka. everyone hitting their 30s). For example, I can no longer go without sleeping. It feels terrible. I can no longer eat whatever the hell I want. I can no longer push myself to work harder and longer without need for recovery time. I didn't get super far in ghost of the machine. Maybe philosophical re...
Today I signed a formal offer with Pepsi! I haven't given the other companies the let down yet and I am extremely nervous about doing so, but after much agonizing I've decided what I know deep down I already want. I have lots of retros and reflections I want to do from my experience. I want to remember stuff and I want to share some of these thoughts. Namely: 1. Doing a retro. What went well, didn't go so well 2. What each step of the interview process is REALLY about. I had to learn to take the test. 3. Reminder of my goals, so I don't forget. 4. Oh and to do the zine. Also on a fun note i start on 4/20
Applying for a job has been pretty stressful. I really need wins to feel good. I’ve been feeling lost and rejected. I don’t know if it’s cuz I’m not finding matches or what. I’m working hard to keep myself thinking positive though. Proper preparation is helpful. I think i’m starting to get a better idea of where I fit also. My goals keep changing...not drastically. But I have my senior level goals, but I don’t think i’m quite there yet, so maybe it is time for a high mid and really grow into senior by the end of the year cuz now I’m clearer about what that entails. I really really hope i land somewhere stable liek amazon for a while and just grow. I want to go somewhere safe to grow for a while. I don’t know where though. I worry on some level I’m not good enough for anywhere, but ... I suppose that cannot be true? I can do this for 2 more months. And then I think i should be good.... but also given corona virus, maybe it’ll be a little longer. I want to find a good...
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