Diary #13: Life in the Balance

I had a chat w/ a friend last night who is one of the most optimistic and positive people I know. She reminds me so much of young me. Everything is blossoming for her and there's potential everywhere. I think I'm passed that point somehow. I think I'm hitting a point of feeling senior, feeling like you've seen it all, and feeling like there's no more magic. I've seen the patterns over and over and I am not optimistic about change, nor do I want the responsibility to shoulder that burden. But after our chat yesterday it was like getting touch with my self and cultivating that space to dream again with someoen who is a big dreamer, but also one who can put actions to her dreams. I thought that was kind of wonderful. I think I never really pursued what I wanted, I just see the gaps between the dream and the reality I know, but I wouldn't say I've ever given my dreams a true true shot. I haven't recklessly pursued jobs with all my heart and gotten bu...

For a long time I'd always hoped there's be a turning point in my life where everything snapped into place. Like... how at 14 Luna shows up for Usagi, how in the animorphs they come across a blue alien that gives them powers, how peter parker gets bitten by a radioactive spider, how Bella moves to Forks and runs into Edward. Somewhere in my mid-twenties, I stopped expecting one big magical moment to transform me into the person I was always meant to be. But in my career and life pursuits, I never stopped hoping for that one transformative moment. Even now, a specific thought I was having was wishing I could find that one mentor that unlocks my potential as a designer. Someone who understands me, and understands how I think. But it hit me tonight that maybe that responsibility is on me. Sure, there can be better or worser teachers, but how much more empowering would it be to know how to teach myself the way I want to. And how unstoppable would I be if I knew how to put mys...