User reserach makes me a better person
Over the past 2-3 weeks, I’ve had to do something I haven’t done in a year, User Interviews! I remember loving them, feeling in my element questioning people about their lives and being able to—nay, encouraged, to ask them why, why, why.
When they were first scheduled, I was anxious as heck. It’s not like I hadn’t done them before, but I forget people make me anxious, making a good impression makes me super self conscious, and knowing at the same time I’d have to dig insights out of people for my work made me feel ever so slightly insincere. I told my my manager I was walking around with a constant silent scream in my head.
It was hard for me to focus to my daily tasks when I had an interview looming ahead. The first interview was a blur, but I’d spent the whole time trying to understand the interviewer and panicking about having too much time left over.
My first week was continually punctured with anxiety and anticipation. But after the 4th interview, I felt, comfortable again. I also started to notice changes outside. At the gym I was talking to a fellow powerlifter that I had been lifting with for months. We both had a shy awkwardness about us, and it was hard for us to keep a conversation going. Then struck up a conversation with her about her work and my user interview skills kicked right in. I was curious, I wanted to understand her job, and we spoke with such engagement I almost didn’t want to start our workout.
My mom, who at this point had been living w/ for 9 months, was able to trigger the foulest of moods with the most innocent questions. Instead of immediately reacting in the last week or two, I noticed I would ask more questions. I let go of my assumptions around what she was going to say and would ask to clarify out of genuine interest.
Before I was hit with a bad about of anxiety, I also used to randomly talk to strangers. And I found myself talking to strangers and just genuinely enjoying other people’s company and conversations. One person for an hour on the train back to New York from boston and found myself genuinely enjoying his company.
It was somewhere around this time I realized, ‘Wow. User research makes me a better person.’ And to top it off, I gave 12 bucks to a jobless person on the train. I felt his sincerity and his humble ask for leftovers moved me to give him what money I had in my pocket.
The past few months, I’d been feeling a little dead. Following several years of anxiety and depression, the deadness was a little welcome. Instead of experiencing highs of anxiety and lows of depression, I started experiencing nothing. No sadness. No depression. Just a numbed out existence. And yesterday, when I gave money to the homeless person, I realized empathy is the key to coaxing me gently into an existence of connection frought by connection and vulnerability.
I’ve been in a shell, to protect myself, but I had also isolated myself. I had been angry and hurt by a string of failed romances and my skin had become hardened but brittle. Rejecting compassion, and cracking at the smallest triggers.
It helped at the same time I have a great therapist, supportive and loving friends, and a very patient potential partner. I’ve been blessed, but I was too busy being ashamed and angry with myself and my life to have energy for connection.
I noticed for the first time today that I’m not mad at one of my exes. He’d been triggering me lately and today I saw him and felt neutral. It was magical.
I’m pracitcing a mix of boundaries. Standing up for me. But also letting people in. Letting in love. It’s a hard on going balance, but I just wanted to say that user-research, connecting with people, building empathy, being curious, is key for me.
When they were first scheduled, I was anxious as heck. It’s not like I hadn’t done them before, but I forget people make me anxious, making a good impression makes me super self conscious, and knowing at the same time I’d have to dig insights out of people for my work made me feel ever so slightly insincere. I told my my manager I was walking around with a constant silent scream in my head.
It was hard for me to focus to my daily tasks when I had an interview looming ahead. The first interview was a blur, but I’d spent the whole time trying to understand the interviewer and panicking about having too much time left over.
My first week was continually punctured with anxiety and anticipation. But after the 4th interview, I felt, comfortable again. I also started to notice changes outside. At the gym I was talking to a fellow powerlifter that I had been lifting with for months. We both had a shy awkwardness about us, and it was hard for us to keep a conversation going. Then struck up a conversation with her about her work and my user interview skills kicked right in. I was curious, I wanted to understand her job, and we spoke with such engagement I almost didn’t want to start our workout.
My mom, who at this point had been living w/ for 9 months, was able to trigger the foulest of moods with the most innocent questions. Instead of immediately reacting in the last week or two, I noticed I would ask more questions. I let go of my assumptions around what she was going to say and would ask to clarify out of genuine interest.
Before I was hit with a bad about of anxiety, I also used to randomly talk to strangers. And I found myself talking to strangers and just genuinely enjoying other people’s company and conversations. One person for an hour on the train back to New York from boston and found myself genuinely enjoying his company.
It was somewhere around this time I realized, ‘Wow. User research makes me a better person.’ And to top it off, I gave 12 bucks to a jobless person on the train. I felt his sincerity and his humble ask for leftovers moved me to give him what money I had in my pocket.
The past few months, I’d been feeling a little dead. Following several years of anxiety and depression, the deadness was a little welcome. Instead of experiencing highs of anxiety and lows of depression, I started experiencing nothing. No sadness. No depression. Just a numbed out existence. And yesterday, when I gave money to the homeless person, I realized empathy is the key to coaxing me gently into an existence of connection frought by connection and vulnerability.
I’ve been in a shell, to protect myself, but I had also isolated myself. I had been angry and hurt by a string of failed romances and my skin had become hardened but brittle. Rejecting compassion, and cracking at the smallest triggers.
It helped at the same time I have a great therapist, supportive and loving friends, and a very patient potential partner. I’ve been blessed, but I was too busy being ashamed and angry with myself and my life to have energy for connection.
I noticed for the first time today that I’m not mad at one of my exes. He’d been triggering me lately and today I saw him and felt neutral. It was magical.
I’m pracitcing a mix of boundaries. Standing up for me. But also letting people in. Letting in love. It’s a hard on going balance, but I just wanted to say that user-research, connecting with people, building empathy, being curious, is key for me.
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