-16 spoons today

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 This week i’m trying the spoon energy budgeting thing and I ended up with -4 spoons today. 

-3 spoons cuz med switching, plus late today

-4 spoons after chatting w/ dmitri about delivery dest.

-4 spoons after chatting w/ kevin about interviews

-3 spoons for getting papers in

- 3 spoons in various in convos with people tonight plus order food plus doing last min interview script

That’s more like -17. so i went 5 spoons over yay.

I feel that sort of tightness in my stomach that signals prolonged tension and on-going anxiety. I’m trying some deep breathing exercises to loosen it up. Tension is held in the body after all. That feels better. I didn’t really disconnect today.

I did skip talking to my mentee, but today was just largely unexpected.

I got an early tomorrow w/ the sears dudes. 

It’s gonna be good. I’ll have them look at the two things, setup an agenda. 30 mins portfolio chat, 30 mins PM chat. I don’t think we can even think about split orders today. 

It’ll be interview, sync up. And report in. Also schedule person #3 for interview.

I am really nervous about interviews. Social anxiety triggered i think. It’s normally a little bit anxiety inducing and now it’s VERY anxiety inducing. Weh.

Lets see though, what can i pat myself on the back on for today..

Definitely handling all these last minute things. There is no stone left unturned. I am pretty prepared for tomorrow. Maybe i’ll sync w/ christine tomorrow on some future work so i get an idea of what’s coming down.

I wish i coudl be more chill about things. I think ppl can tell i’m on the edge a bit. I just want to be clear throught he frenetic inner chaos. I rely on my inner truth to guide me a lot...maybe more than i think. It’s just still very unhoned, but it is honest and on point in many ways, just articulated too unrefined a manner sometimes.

I think being a leader may just mean leading with my honed gut. 

My goals are to cultivate my inner leader. To be able to be someone who is listened to powerfully. And to know how to listen and speak without so much fear of judgement.

I should put down some 2020 theme goals. I’ll feel less alone when alex is here. Oh i’m also glad kelly and i are forming a real connection too. I enjoy being her rant wall and being able to confide in her. She’s got great savvy and insights. I really like her actually. So another good thing! 

My stock selling timing was also very good. I’m buying back in, don’t know if it’s a great time yet, just toes in and things are slowly going back up. WIll slowly keep buying more in. I need to make a chart of it all eventually. 

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i’m really anxious about letting ppl down or seeing a lame side of me but. fak it i guess. what is there really to loose that i can’t come back from?


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